To Find What You Lost
by lafgl
Summary: I never thought I'd see him again. But there he was, standing right in front of me, looking like nothing had changed. But I had. / I lied. I knew our paths would cross again. I just didn't think it would be like this... Okay... Maybe a little.
1. Chapter 1

College was supposed to be the start of a new me. Me and Amber, taking on the world. Her, majoring in fashion design, and I, majoring in Egyptian history. What else would I choose? Amber, being... well, Amber, decided to tell me the first morning of classes. Tell me what, exactly? We walked across the campus, and, luckily, found our class easily.

"Okay, Nina... Don't kill me, but... Fabian... mightbegoingheretoo," She jumbled her words together, as if she didn't even want to tell me.

"Amber!" I groaned.

"I'm sorry Nina! I knew you would never come if I told you before!"

That's not true. I wanted to go here. My past wouldn't stop me from my dreams. "Well he's obviously going to have the same major as me so it's not like I can just avoid him!" I sighed as we walked into the classroom.

"Think about it. This might be good for you! You two haven't spoken since junior year!"

"And with good reason, Amber." I spoke, quieter, as we sat down next to each other, "I didn't exactly leave on good terms."

"But he was heartbroken! You should have seen him."

I feel bad, really, I do. But, I'm not the best at goodbyes, and I'm sure as hell not good at relationships. Leaving Anubis was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but after I found out Eddie and I couldn't be together, I felt guilty. Fabian and I left each other on good terms. Eddie and Patricia had broken up over the summer. If he hadn't gone back, it would've killed me. They deserve to be together, and I knew that I would be responsible for them never getting back together if I went back instead of him. He fought me at first, but, eventually, he just broke down, and just kept thanking me. He didn't have to say why he was thanking me, because I knew; he loves her.

"Well I see him now!" I panicked: I leaned my elbow on the desk, and buried my head in my hand, shielding my face.

"Nina, please!" she begged, pulling on my arm. "Actually, a good bunch of us are going here too... I was going to surprise you later but maybe you'll be more willing to talk to Patricia, Eddie, and Alfie?" She wouldn't be wrong there, except... "Okay, maybe not Alfie." Yeah.

I laughed, "I'd love to talk to Patricia. I know she isn't the most romantic girl, but I also know that she knows how to deal with things."

From what I've heard, Patricia and Eddie have had a few mishaps, but they'd always work it out in the end. Now, that's not something you'd expect from Patricia, and if she could do it, I could too. I'm glad that they're still together; a reason why I don't regret leaving. The way I always saw him look at her, the way he broke down, I knew they were meant for each other.

"...they even share a room together! It's so adorable, Nina. She's so different with him..." Amber rambled on about the power couple, aimlessly, may I add, while I continued to keep hiding from Fabian. I felt every muscle in my body tense as he walked by, and I hoped he wouldn't notice me. And he didn't. I don't know if it was pure luck, or what, but he either didn't realize it was me, or didn't say something. Either way, I was glad.

When the bell rang, I was ready to just run. Amber had given me Patricia's address. So I grabbed my books, my keys, and ran as fast as I could to my car. I tapped my foot impatiently after knocking on the door, hard, several times, and when the it finally opened, I was face-to-face with Eddie.

"Nina? I thought Amber was having us surprise you!"

"She was, but right now I just really want to talk to Patricia." I explained, trying not to make a big fuss or bring up any details.

"Did someone say my name?" Patricia peeked around the corner, "Come in!"

I gave Eddie a quick hug, and made my way over to Patricia. She hugged me before I had a chance to myself. "I missed you too?" I laughed at her sudden fondness of physical affection.

"Here, sit," she gestured to the set of chairs at the kitchen island, "I'll get you some vodka. I think you'll need it for this conversation..."

I shot her a look, and Eddie butted in, "Patricia!"

"Kidding, kidding! It's early, have some coffee." she said, pouring me a cup, as well as herself. "And you," she pointed at Eddie, "Weasel, get lost!"

"That's more like the Patricia I know." She slid the cup across the table as she sat down across from me, "Thanks," I smiled.

"No problem."

Sip.

Sip.

Silence.

"I know why you're here." she admitted. Good. Now I don't have to awkwardly explain my situation. "Let me fill you in: he had a fling with Mara, but it didn't last long. Not even the summer. He's not over you."

"Look, I know you're just saying that. I'm totally fine that he moved on. Actually, I'm happy." More lies, but I'm not about to cry in front of Patricia.

"You still love him, Nina." she sighed, sending me a sympathetic smile.

"I do?" I said, testing out the words. It's more of a whisper than anything. Then: the realization that it's not a question. It's me, admitting it out loud—to myself, even—for the first time in a while. I rest my head on my hand, and slouch down in defeat, "I still do."

"So go talk to him! You guys were best friends."

"We haven't spoken since the beginning of junior year. It won't be that easy. Doesn't help that I left at the worst time." I knew there would be another mystery, and I intentionally kept my distance. I could've asked Eddie to consider letting me come back instead, but I didn't. I even knew Eddie wouldn't be the most coordinated leader. I wanted them to make up. He couldn't just not go back to her after she distanced herself.

She shakes her head. "That's not your fault."

"I know it isn't. But I can't stop feeling like it is."

"It all worked out in the end," she laughed, "We actually graduated..."

"Surprising!" I smirked.

"I wish you were there."

"I wish I was too..."


	2. Chapter 2

I decide not to take Patricia's advice. Not now, at least. It's not that I don't_ want_ to talk to him, because I definitely do. It's more so the fact that I just feel weird about the whole situation. Is it weird that I think we were drawn closer with the mysteries? Would things have been different if... no... things would be different if I had stayed. For one, Sibuna would've been much more coordinated than it was (from what I heard from Amber).

Since Amber and I are sharing a room, I'll have to deal with her nagging, but, hey, maybe if she tells me enough, I'll actually _do_ something. Now, if only it were that simple - it's really not. 10 minutes into a speech about why I should talk to Fabian and at least try and be friends with him, and all it's done is made me less likely to attempt conversation. Having her as a roommate has always been an... _experience_, but she's still one of my best friends. And I'm pretty sure that one of the unwritten rules of, well, friendship, is that you have to at least pay attention when someone's trying to give you advice. Whether you take it or not is your choice. Unfortunately, I don't have the pleasure of making that decision for myself. Fast forward to the on-campus coffee shop later than day:

Fabian: Hi...

Me: ...Hi?

It comes out more as a question than anything. I'm sitting at one of the small, round tables in the corner.

"Erm, how've you been?" he asks after taking a sip of what appears to be some kind of tea. He doesn't sit down, not yet at least.

"I'm fine," I nod, "sit down." I find myself inviting him to talk when my mind is telling me no.

So he does sit down, across from me. "That's good." It's just small talk, Nina. Not a marriage proposal.

"And you?"

"Okay."

There's a bit of a silence before I ask him another question, "So, Jerome and Joy? Didn't see that one coming." Amber had, of course, kept up on the gossip, and relayed it back to me.

"Me neither," he laughs, and I can't help myself from smiling back at him, "I'm glad she found someone that makes her happy." So am I. Even though Joy did horrible things to me, that's all in the past. She deserves a happy life. I wouldn't wish horrible things on anyone, even her.

"So what about you, Nina? What makes you happy?"

"I guess I'm glad I'm reunited with everyone. I never really realized how much I missed you all. You?"

"Today's been a pretty good day for me, I'd say. Starting college, same as you I guess."

For about the first few minutes, all I feel is my stomach trying to do somersaults inside of me, but I think I settle down a bit after that, to the point where I actually feel comfortable holding a conversation with him, much more than I thought I would be able to do earlier. Still, I wish I wasn't so anxious and shy around him. We were once best friends..._ more than best friends_... and I can only hope that we might be like that again someday soon.

"You know, once I saw Patricia and Eddie yesterday, it actually set in how much I missed the over the past two years." I admit.

"Junior year and graduation day were both quite the adventure." I flinch at the mention of graduation. Patricia had explained that Fabian had gotten with Mara then. Of course, I don't bring it up at all. It's already an awkward conversation to start with, and I don't intend on making it worse. Plus, they were never really 'together', so it's not exactly that important, not now, with our only real conversation so far being small talk. Maybe later.

"So I've been told," I smirked, remembering the little stories Amber had told me about Sibuna before she went to school in New York, "but I've never heard the whole story."

Fabian looks down at his watch, "I've got time."

"So do I."

I spoke to him again 2 weeks later.

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><p><strong>So there we go! Chapter 2! Thanks to DefinitionofaWriter for the encouragement on twitter, and houseofanubisfan2 for the review! This is awkward. Um, follow me on twitter maybe? I'm lafgl.<strong>

**The next update should be up be between Christmas and New Years'**

**if it isn't**

**feel free to harass me on twitter :D**


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't tell anyone, especially not Amber, that I had finally gotten the nerve to talk to Fabian. The next time I spoke to him after our - should I call it a reunion? - was 2 weeks later. We'd both taken up a work-study program that consisted of cataloguing museum artifacts. It's not like I expected anything different: of course that's what he would choose to do. I didn't think that he'd choose something else... I just kinda hoped that, maybe...

I didn't have too much trouble at first, identifying what things were made of and whatnot, when I'd been given a list of what I needed to write down information about. I was also required to write a little bit about each object, which was also mostly easy. Until it wasn't, and I realized I needed help from the last person I wanted it from right now.

"Fabian?"

He picks his head up from his work, and looks over at me, dropping his pen, "You scared me," he smiles.

"Sorry..." I sigh, "I needed help... um... this is your kinda thing." I hand him the flat slab.

He takes it from me, and looks back up at me after studying it for a second, "You know, Nina, I don't just go around solving hieroglyphics for fun."

I purse my lips and feel my face heat up. "I know... I know it's been a while, but we both know that you have a better chance of figuring it out than me." He knows I'm right about that.

Okay, so he doesn't figure it out. And I quietly return to my desk without speaking another word to him.

* * *

><p>When I finally do tell Amber, as expected, I'm bombarded with every possible question known to man:<p>

"Wait, when?"

"And where?"

"Did you talk to him first?"

"Did he flirt with you?"

"Did you guys hug?

"_Kiss?_"

"Oh my god, did he kiss you?"

"Amber!" I shout, "No, we didn't kiss! Or _anything_!"

"Come on!" she complains, pouting as she flops back down on her bed.

"He bumped into me at the coffee shop. We just talked about the mystery junior year... and, you know, relationship gossip. Nothing you haven't talked about in-depth before."

"Relationship gossip like... him and Mara?" she raises her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes at her, "I didn't even bring that up."

"So basically... you just had Sibuna-style small talk."

"You could call it that." I agree, sitting down next to her.

"I'm proud of you, you know that?" she smiles, hugging me.

"I'm glad I talked to him, I really am."

"You've got it _so_ bad." she laughs.

Yeah, I do. I've got it so bad that I don't even want to speak to him; the fear that I'd just mess everything up. Fabian's friendship with me is more important than any relationship drama. I just want to talk like we used to. _Like nothing matters..._

It wasn't _as_ awkward after that. It was still small talk, just with less stuttering and silence. One such conversation happened about a week later:

"Hey, Nina."

"Hi," I smile, continuing to walk down the hall. I was headed towards my dorm after class.

"Um, how are you?"

"I'm good. You weren't in class Monday, what happened?"

"Oh, yeah," he scratches the back of his head and smiles slightly, "I was getting over a cold, but I'm better now. That's kinda what I wanted to talk about. Could you copy me on the notes?"

I think back to class two days ago... yeah... he wouldn't need notes. "We learned about different symbols in Egyptian mythology. Specifically, the Eye of Horus..."

"We've already over-analyzed that one," he laughs.

"That was kinda my point," I laugh, too. "Why are we even taking this class? We could _teach_ it."

"If we taught it we'd probably look insane, and, anyways, it's an easy a."

"You're not wrong about that," I smile at him, and we stop walking outside my dorm building.

"I don't live here... So..."

"So..." I mimic his accent.

"So, since we don't exactly have to study, want to meet up later? You, me, Amber, Patricia, Eddie?"

"Sure, I mean, it would be nice to have a _proper_ conversation with everyone," I laugh.

"Around 5ish?"

"That works."

As I go to open the door after I wave goodbye to him, he stops me, "Ah, Nina! Wait!"

"Yeah?" I turn back around to look at him.

"I, uh, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. See you later."

I tell Amber as soon as she gets back from class a few minutes later (something about a fashion emergency), and her reaction is what I expected.

"Ooooh, you can wear one of my dresses! I'll do your hair too! And-"

"Amber! It's just a get together. I don't think it's exactly a formal event."

"Whatever."

I laugh; typical Amber.

* * *

><p><strong>AYE I'M BACK<strong>

**late**

**ok um honestly idk when the next update will be cuz my progress on chapter 4 is 100 words**

**but in all seriousness harass me on twitter lafgl**

**also thumbs up to me for remembering to replace my line break placeholder bc that would've been embarrassing**

**but HEEEEEY FABINA HAD NORMAL CONVERSATIONS THATS JUST WOW**

**aaaaaand ooh how's the lil sibuna reunion gonna go?**

**FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON MEAGHAN IS A LAZY SHIT AND YOU WILL PROBABLY GET AN UPDATE IN A MONTH**


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay, wow. It's been a while," Amber smiles as we all sit down in a circle in the middle of Patricia and Eddie's living room.

"You would think we'd be glad to get rid of the ancient spirits trying to kill us but I actually _kinda_ miss it," Eddie admits with a smug grin on his face.

"Though, I don't believe Nina's ever heard what happened junior year," Patricia adds.

"Only bits and pieces from Amber," I admit, "Most of which included highly detailed descriptions of exactly what she was wearing..."

Amber rolls her eyes as everyone else laughs; a chorus of "of course," and "only Amber..."

"But, no, I'd really like to know what happened," I look over at Eddie, urging him to explain.

"Well, first, poor Fabian decided that there was no Sibuna without you, and decided to repeat that _every time_ we talked about the mystery for... was it a week?"

"I think it was a week." Patricia adds, while Fabian looks at Eddie with a stare that can only be described as, "I will hurt you."

"I think he might have cried too." Eddie rambles, "Dude did you cry?" He turns towards Fabian.

"Okay! Back to the story!" Fabian yells over everyone.

"Yeah, so, he made me lead Sibuna."

Wait. What? Eddie lead Sibuna? "What?"

"And it probably wasn't a good idea anyways considering you almost destroyed the world... twice," Fabian sighs.

"Keyword: almost. As in it didn't actually happen." Eddie smirks, and continues on with the story.

* * *

><p>"So Robert is still out there?"<p>

Eddie scratches his neck, "Uhm, we don't actually know. We haven't heard from him or Harriet since July but, I mean, it seemed like he was doing fine then. For a super old guy, I mean," he laughs.

"So how have you guys been? Like, relationship-wise," I ask Eddie and Patricia.

"Actually, pretty good." Patricia smiles, and it's then that I notice they're holding hands. Out of the corner of my eye I see Amber smiling too.

"And everyone else?" Amber asks, shooting me a look I can't decipher.

"Well, there's Jerome and Joy, but you knew that. Alfie and the girl from Isis, Willow, got together, and they're both going to college over in the UK. And-" Eddie starts, but Amber cuts in.

"-that's it." she smiles nervously, looking like she regrets asking in the first place.

"No, what about Fabian?"

"Yeah he's single, Eddie, _remember_?" Patricia nudges him, talking slowly.

"He's single _now_, but he dated Mara over the summer,_ remember_?" he continues in the same tone.

Patricia and Amber both smack him on the arm, "Eddie!"

I bite my lip and look over at Fabian, but he doesn't look up at all. "I gotta um..." I break the silence, but it comes out as a squeaky whisper. I quickly walk out the door and slouch down next to the wall. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I was fine hearing it from Amber, before I talked to him, but now that I'd heard his voice again, seen him smile, that dorky smile, I can't control myself.

Don't cry...

Don't cry...

Damnit, don't cry!

No matter how many times I say it to myself, I can't stop a few drops from falling down my face.

"Nina?"

Oh, God no. _No no no no no._

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I get up, shielding my face from him, "I just needed some air, but I actually have to go now, I just remembered."

I'm making my way down the stairs when I feel his hand touch my shoulder, and I almost shiver as he turns me around.

"I know when you're lying, Nina."

I nod, "I know."

"Look, me and Mara..."

I shrug his hand off my shoulder, "I don't want to hear about it Fabian; I'm glad you moved on. Now, look, we're adults and we can handle this like adults. If you really want to talk about it, fine, but not now. I need some time to myself." The words just rolled out and I couldn't stop them.

Where did that even come from? I've never spoken to anyone like that before, especially Fabian. At least it wasn't the worst possible thing I could say.

"Yeah, I get it, Nina," he sighs, like I didn't just yell at him for the first time I can ever remember, "I'll call you, okay?"

He steps to the side and starts walking back to his dorm with his hands in his pockets. I turn around, and try to call out to him, to beg him to come back, but nothing comes out.

* * *

><p><strong>Whew, whaddya think so far? We got Nina up to speed on the mystery, everyone joking about Fabian, and blabber mouth Eddie!<strong>

**Who knew Nina had it in her! Ouch, that's gotta sting.**

**Next... more Fabina drama brewing, and possibly a better friendship between the two! Predictions? Thoughts? Drop me a review or a pm, no need to be shy.**

**I'm also gonna start posting previews on my Twitter lafgl with the hashtag #tfwylafgl (haha get it I connected the acronym of the title with my name? I'm a clever lil shit aren't I.) and the first one was posted before this chapter came out!**

**Also a huge thanks to houseofanubisfan2 for reviewing again!**

**Seeya next time! Whenever that happens to be.**


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